11 Tips to Alleviate Loneliness
After her husband's death 20 years ago, Lenore Hirsch, 78, was not only overwhelmed with grief, but jarred by the sudden loss of purpose and routine. "I had retired six months before and there I was, no longer caring for my sick husband, living in a town where the friends were Jay's friends, a half hour away from my long-term friends and previous employment," she says. Her loneliness — and social isolation — intensified.
"The most important thing is to stay active and participate in as many social engagements and activities as possible." | Credit: Getty
While loneliness affects all ages, older adults are among the most vulnerable, says Ahmed Mohiuddin, M.D., senior medical director at Oak Street Health, a primary care provider for older adults on Medicare in Metairie, Louisiana. "Loneliness among older adults is a significant issue, and it's growing," he says. "According to a study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association, more than a third of people aged 50 to 80 feel lonely, and nearly as many feel isolated."
While alone time can be restorative, loneliness and isolation carry serious risks.
Loneliness isn't the same as being alone, notes Drew Maygren, D.O., a geriatric psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, California. He explains that being alone is often a voluntary physical state —someone might choose to be alone to rest, reflect or because they're more introverted. Loneliness, on the other hand, is a distressing emotional experience of feeling disconnected or lacking meaningful social connections, he says.
"Someone can feel lonely whether they're alone or surrounded by other folks," he says. Similarly, isolation entails having few social contacts or people to interact with regularly, according to the National Institute on Aging (NIA). The distinction matters because, while alone time can be restorative, loneliness and isolation carry serious risks. Former U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy even called loneliness an "epidemic" with health effects comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Staying Active and Connected
"Human beings are social creatures requiring love and connection to thrive (and survive) from birth to old age," says Simran Malhotra, M.D., a physician specializing in palliative care and lifestyle medicine and the founder or Wellness By LifestyleMD in Bethesda, Maryland. "Without it, we have a 26% increased risk of dying prematurely, especially later in life." Loneliness, she continues, increases the risk of various mental and physical health issues, including stress, anxiety, depression, insomnia and cognitive decline. "Additionally, loneliness-related stress is linked to chronic inflammation, a weakened immune system, Alzheimer's dementia, and heart disease," she says.
"The most important thing is to stay active and participate in as many social engagements and activities as possible."
Age-related factors such as retirement, death of a spouse and mobility restrictions can raise the risk of loneliness. But Malhotra emphasizes that it isn't inevitable.
"The most important thing is to stay active and participate in as many social engagements and activities as possible," Malhotra says. "This provides a sense of joy, meaning and purpose while helping preserve physical strength."
A year after Jay's passing, Hirsch moved back to Napa, California, where she had a support base, and has since found new passions, purpose and companions through activities like traveling, volunteering, taking classes and joining interest groups. "I am too busy to spend much time feeling lonely," says Hirsch, who recently published a book titled "Laugh and Live, Advice for Aging Boomers." "I feel that I have a contribution to make, that I have value — even alone — and that my friends and family love me."
Expert Advice
If you're feeling lonely or worry that a loved one might be, here are 11 expert-backed tips to consider.
Get to know yourself. Checking in with yourself can help set the foundation for meeting new people, says Marilyn Gugliucci, Ph.D., president of the Gerontological Society of America and professor and director of Geriatrics Education and Research at the University of New England College of Osteopathic Medicine in Biddeford, Maine. She suggests asking questions such as: What makes me feel whole, what gives me joy, what makes me feel useful and how do I bolster my feelings of confidence and worth? Identifying what motivates you and gives you purpose is key to getting out of a funk, she says. "There's no one-size-fits-all approach [to reducing loneliness] but knowing yourself and honoring who you are is a very important first step," she says.
Address barriers. If physical issues like hearing or mobility impairments are keeping you from socializing as much as you'd like, Malhotra recommends addressing these as soon as possible. "For example, getting hearing aids, a cane or walker can boost confidence in going out and participating in social interactions," she says. Technological tools can help here, too, Maygren says. For instance, he suggests using smart speakers to send messages and make calls hands-free. "People with disabilities or sensory impairments can also leverage captioned phone and video calls," he says.
Nurture existing relationships. Connections with family and longtime friends are the foundational relationships that are invaluable for mental, emotional and physical well-being, Malhotra says. "I recommend scheduling regular phone or, ideally, video calls with children, grandchildren other family members and even long-lost friends," she says. "If family members live nearby, consider scheduling a weekly lunch date or weekend activity so you have something to look forward to each week."
"The YMCA and senior adult recreation centers are great resources to find group-based activities geared toward older adults."
Join a local group. Meeting new people is important, too, especially if your family and existing friends live far away. Local clubs and groups are an excellent way to meet people with similar interests, Malhotra says. "It's a great idea to develop relationships in your local community based on things you enjoy doing as these relationships will be accessible on a regular basis," she says. "For example, join a local walking group, senior yoga class or gardening club. The YMCA and senior adult recreation centers are great resources to find group-based activities geared toward older adults."
Attend community events. "Participating in community events can foster a sense of belonging," says Sandra Petersen, DNP, senior vice president of health and wellness at Pegasus Senior Living in Grapevine, Texas. For instance, she suggests attending local festivals, fairs and cultural events, which can help you feel more connected to your community. Bingo and senior speed dating are good options too, Mohiuddin says. "Social events like these provide older adults with regular opportunities to get out of the house and interact with others," he says.
Try Some Tech
Embrace technology. Besides helping you overcome challenges like arthritis and sensory issues, technology can be a valuable tool for maintaining connections and making new ones, Petersen says. For example, video calling platforms and social media channels can be excellent avenues for staying in touch with family and friends. There are also many online interest and faith groups that can help you connect with like-minded people, Malhotra says. If you're not very tech savvy or aren't sure how to navigate the ever-changing world of social media, Petersen recommends checking with your local senior center, as many offer classes.
"Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose and opportunities to meet new people while helping others."
Learn something new. "It's never too late to try something new," says Hannah Karim, lead care expert at Lottie, a platform that helps connect older adults with care providers in the United Kingdom. For example, she says, if you've always wanted to learn to play an instrument or speak a new language, consider taking a class to get started. "I started taking a writing class before Jay died and joined a weekly workshop when I moved back to Napa," Hirsch says. "I met most of my current friends through writing." Not only are classes great way to meet new people, but they'll also give your brain a workout, helping preserve cognitive health.
Engage in intergenerational activities. "Whether it's reading with grandchildren over video chat or mentoring a young person, relationships across generations have impactful and mutual benefits," says Lakelyn Hogan Eichenberger, Ph.D., gerontologist and caregiving advocate Home Instead, a company in Omaha, Nebraska. Even just befriending someone younger can be beneficial for you both, according to research.
Animal Companion
Adopt a pet. Humans aren't the only source of companionship. "For some people, getting a small pet, like a cat or dog, can provide companionship, boost happy hormones and reduce feelings of isolation," Malhotra says. Moreover, adopting a pet can give you a sense of purpose. Consider an older animal, as these are generally calmer and require less training and supervision than puppies and kittens. If you can't care for a pet on your own, consider joining an animal therapy program, offered by many hospitals and senior centers.
Volunteer. Research suggests volunteering can markedly improve physical and mental health, and the social component is likely one reason why. "Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose and opportunities to meet new people while helping others," Petersen says. Community centers, nonprofit thrift stores, soup kitchens, food pantries, nursing homes, hospitals, Meals on Wheels and animal shelters are just a few places that often need volunteers.
Seek professional help. It isn't always easy to talk about emotions, but there's no shame in feeling down. Mohiuddin recommends talking to your doctor so they can help you find support before loneliness develops into something more serious, like depression. They may suggest companionship care — in which a volunteer or professional visits regularly or accompanies you on errands — support groups, or a therapist. "Just talking to someone to whom you're not beholden can be a huge relief," Hirsch says.
