How I Keep Myself Mentally Healthy

Mar 3

Journaling, meditation and exercise are three tools I regularly use in my recovery from major depressive disorder and anxiety

In five years, I've filled twelve notebooks full of negative thoughts. You may think this is a waste of time, but for me, it has made a huge difference. I review my writing from the day before and challenge myself to find a positive alternative.

" When I'm feeling down, I might do these things and nothing else. I don't always manage to do all three each day, but two out of three isn't bad," writes Merle Rosenstein | Credit: Getty

Who would believe that something so simple could help me recover from major depressive disorder and anxiety? Well, it did, and this was not the only tool that I used.

I'd wake up with a heaviness in my chest and pins and needles across my back, dreading the day ahead.

In 2019, with many obstacles at work, I went on sick leave. I was in a bad place, spending much of my time inside, withdrawing from friends and family. Each morning, I'd wake up with a heaviness in my chest and pins and needles across my back, dreading the day ahead. I thought that others didn't like me and that I was flawed and no good. It was really hard to get the help I needed.

When I started journaling, there were only negative thoughts like, you are stupid and can't get anything right, or you're not as good as [others]. Now I realize that time is too short to dwell on negativity or the past. I also know that much of what I worry about never happens. What I was saying to myself wasn't real, but distorted thinking.

Meditate, Journal and Exercise

My psychiatrist said that I had to make getting and staying well my full-time job. There are three things I aim to do every day to stay mentally healthy: meditate, journal and exercise. When I'm feeling down, I might do these things and nothing else. I don't always manage to do all three each day, but two out of three isn't bad. I've taken mindfulness meditation courses and found these helpful.

Mindfulness concepts such as "beginner's mind" and "non-striving" have allowed me to be kinder to myself. With "beginner's mind" you think of yourself as a novice each time you do something, even if you've done it before. "Non-striving" means that you don't always have to be in achievement mode, comparing yourself to others.

In June 2020, at the height of COVID-19, Jon Kabat-Zinn, the father of mindfulness, led meditations online for 13 weeks. There was a broad international audience, and it was incredible to meditate with Kabat-Zinn for free. The daily meditations anchored my days.

I was part of a global community drawn together by uncertainty. Each day, we would meditate for 30 minutes. Then Kabat-Zinn held a Q and A session and we spent 30 minutes in small groups, talking about whatever came up for us during the meditation. I began to notice negative thought patterns and analyzed these according to the "cognitive error" I was making. For example, "discounting the positive" and "catastrophizing" or imagining the worst possible outcome were common themes.

Reframing Negative Thoughts

When my negative thoughts start spiraling, I grab a notebook and write down each one. It took a year for me to reframe a negative thought. It was a great relief. For example, if I thought someone had treated me badly, I was able to realize that the person was probably in a bad mood and it had nothing to do with me. Now I can notice the thoughts, acknowledge them and tell myself, there's that pattern happening again.

Another process I use most days, particularly when I get overwhelmed, is to set one small goal for myself.

I'm grateful that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness meditation worked for me. Another process I use most days, particularly when I get overwhelmed, is to set one small goal for myself. For example, my goal with this article was to write about what has helped me recover and I've accomplished that. But there are smaller goals, like vacuuming the carpet or reviewing a credit card statement, something I can do in less than an hour.

Another goal was to speak to people with anxiety and depression about my successes, to give them hope. For three years, I've been part of Toastmasters, a club that builds confidence and teaches public speaking skills. My club is called Peer Talk, and I regularly speak to psychiatric outpatients about myself and my recovery. The talks also give information about Hope and Me, an agency helping people with depression and anxiety through peer support.

I am working on my thirteenth notebook now and am grateful to my different support communities, including Hope and Me, safe places where I can come and be myself in a supportive environment. I'm lucky to have major depression and anxiety in my rearview mirror for now. But it can always come back so I have to be diligent and realize what is most important; family, health and peace of mind.

My dilemma is, what do I do with the notebooks now? Every time I read one, I go back to a dark place. But I also think about how far I've come and that helps me keep going. What small step can you take today to keep yourself positive?

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