My Husband's Hospitalization Became an Emergency Preparedness Drill
From paying bills to doing laundry, understand your partner's household tasks
Like most couples, my husband and I have a division of chores that we undertake independently. Some may be considered gender-stereotyped roles, others are based on individual strengths and preferences. What I can say is that we are mutually clueless as to one another's tasks.
You and your partner should make lists of the tasks that you own as yours, and for a given stretch of time (at least one or more weeks), switch tasks. | Credit: Getty
I handle household finances, leaving my husband uninformed about automatic check deposits and withdrawals for bill payments. I have no idea about the electric fuse box, hot water heater or thermostats. When my husband was hospitalized, the emergency room doctor projected a three-day stay. I thought, "I've got this." But when three days stretched into nine, my resolve was likewise stretched thin. I realized that our complete bifurcation of responsibility is detrimental.
For older adults, medical emergencies can loom in the foreground or background, but they are ever-present. There are ways to prepare. During the pandemic, when it felt as if death was at our back door, I set up a lockbox with our important papers. When you open it, there is a list of the contents on the inside cover. I update the folders on a continuous basis as correspondence and statements are received. I expanded the contents by adding a folder of passwords and usernames for our accounts.
It's an excellent idea to sit down with your significant other to pay the bills for one or two cycles.
It's an excellent idea to sit down with your significant other to pay the bills for one or two cycles. Arrange to have as many bills as possible on automatic payment, especially utilities; the payees are more than happy to accommodate regular deductions from your account. For credit cards, you can set up minimum payments to make sure you avoid onerous penalty fees. Bills arriving in the mail will stack up quickly when there is a family health emergency.
Medications and Health Insurance Details
Do you have an up-to-date list of medications you are each taking? You may be called upon to provide information for yourself or your significant other that you don't know off the top of your head. When I pick up prescription drugs, the pharmacy provides drug information pamphlets that I put into a folder for quick reference.
The writer's husband being discharged from the hospital | Credit: Linda Goor Nanos
Some 55+ communities require residents to have up-to-date portfolios hanging from the side of their refrigerators with contacts for family and doctors, medical history and a list of medications. The portfolio can easily be handed to a responding emergency medical technician. It's an excellent model to follow.
During my husband's hospitalization, a problem arose with his health insurancedue to a discrepancy in how his name appeared on different cards and IDs. This could be from the inclusion or exclusion of a middle name or suffix, for example Jr. or Sr. After rectifying the issue, I photocopied both of our insurance cards and IDs and scanned them into my computer to facilitate any future email to a billing department.
Depending on your living situation, you may have a building superintendent or a handyman. Keep a comprehensive list of frequent contacts for home maintenance on your refrigerator or bulletin board. It would be helpful to also have them in your cell phones.
Spare Keys and Extra Light Bulbs
As my husband's hospital stay dragged on, a light bulb that burned out was replaced without fuss, but it was not as easy to deal with a smoke detector that began to chirp due to a low battery. It required a ladder, removing the alarm from the bracket affixed to the ceiling, disabling the chirping, and ordering a new one, because this warning system didn't have replaceable batteries. Know where to find tools, light bulbs and batteries, and when that fails, call the handyman on your contact list.
Make sure you have more than one spare key. You can hide one on your property or distribute it to a trusted neighbor, friend or relative. Check occasionally whether they still have your key. If you have living things, pets or plants, you may need a stand-in to care for them. The friend I called upon to walk our dog had misplaced the set of keys that included ours; I made a spare at the hardware store to leave under the mat before leaving for the hospital.
Animals will be stressed by a disruption in their family. It will reduce their anxiety to keep Fido or Fifi's routines as normal as possible. Share information with your significant other about pet care: vet contact, any medications, pet insurance, walking and feeding routines.
Get the Drill
Here is my chore challenge and emergency preparedness drill: You and your partner should make lists of the tasks that you own as yours, and for a given stretch of time (at least one or more weeks), switch tasks. This will require your patience in coaching the novice to ensure that the household doesn't fall apart.
As part of our drill, my husband tried his hand at doing the laundry. He decided to improve my method by washing two loads and combining them in the dryer for one overstuffed cycle. Having no room to toss, everything was so wrinkled that I had to run the loads again. He'll be better prepared to handle the chore next time.
My advice is not to wait for the crisis to be upon you to prepare for it.
For the population over 65, loss of hand strength is a common issue that can be attributable to arthritis, weakening muscles or neurological degeneration and one of you may be weaker in this department than the other. There are gadgets on the market that adjust to various jar sizes and provide extra torque. For jar lids, I use the point of a soda can opener, slip it under the lid, and pop it just enough to break the vacuum seal. It will twist off with ease.
One of my most desperate moments was when I took a bottle of wine out of the refrigerator to drink with my meal as I decompressed, but the screw-off top wouldn't open. I considered knocking on a neighbor's door for help. When it sat at room temperature, I was able to unscrew it with a jar gripper pad and I didn't have to expose my desperation to random folks on the block. Have an opener arsenal available of twisters, poppers and grippers.
My advice is not to wait for the crisis to be upon you to prepare for it.
